Some Ramblings to quieten an occupied mind.
There is something magical about dawn. When the night is not ready to quite let go and yet slowly, but surely, lets its darkness be chided into giving way. Dawn is the waking up of one’s soul to the offerings of the oncoming day. It is a slow realization – as if the universe understands that one can’t just be jolted on towards the blinding brightness of the sun.
While dawn brings hope – twilight is the pinching out of the day’s fire. In twilight – I see the End. I feel death. I feel sorrow.
Dawn – possibilities, optimism, expectation. Perhaps I find myself gravitating towards dawn because I run from twilight. I want to continue living in my youth. I want to have that same sparkle in the eye, that same amazed look that I used to hold whenever I encountered something new. I don’t want the newness of things to diminish. I do not want to become seasoned or wearied by the sameness of things. I remember there used to be point in my youth when I cried out against monotony. It wasn’t in my rolling stone nature to be monotonous. While I still inherently believe that and seek change almost on a daily basis, I realize that I am much more content when in the routine. I find myself looking forward to future days when I will be in in routine domestic life with whoever my life partner will be. There is a certain level of comfort that I now find in stability and in sameness. I am turning old. This is what growing up and accepting (not yet, embracing) adulthood feels like. It’s almost as if my mind was tuned to change perspectives upon the clock striking 26 in my life. I did an almost about-turn.
I am still driven – I still find sweet pleasure in life. The deepest level of happiness, however, is gained not by actual experiences but just by sitting silently and steadfastly in the arms of an unchanging and beautiful nature. Golden leaves, turquoise oceanic waters, purple dahlias. And that’s the other thing Dawn is to me – the emergence of colorful nature from the velvety, indigo folds of the night.