It feels surreal. Being back in The Big Easy. The singular city in America (besides my Boston) where my heart felt full, content, complete when I was last here.
It feels like a lifetime. The journey – the experiences that I have been through since my last adieu to the glorious yet treacherous Mississippi – is something that I feel I had always anticipated. Had I envisioned my life to unfold in such a predictable manner? I am not surprised at finding myself here – four years later – academically successful, jumping off to an even better platform than when I was here last.
Did I miss out on something there? By planning life in such detail – did I forget to look around and see paths that I could have traversed? Was I that consumed by my purpose that I potentially sacrificed a life that could have been lived in the joys and learnings of impetuosity? Of following one’s spirit. Of being guided by intuition and feeling and colors and smells.
“I could have been a sailor, could have been a cook –
I could have been…”
I look upon those intricately woven iron ropes that curve and dance around pink and red flowers on balconies. I know the expression my face holds – I felt the same muscles twitch in exactly the same manner as they did back then. The City still holds me in Awe. This time around – I knew what the city held. I knew its heart and I knew why I fell in love with it the first time around. That is indeed what I looked for when I took a very late night walk around the Quarter. I looked for those signs, that spirit that has captivated my thoughts for the last four years.
And there – right there – I found it. It’s in the music that serenades out of nowhere. It’s in that energy that emanates from the people that walk around. It’s in that freedom of being yourself, of embracing your Individuality, your inner Artistic heart.
There – right there – is why I feel that coming back to this city has reminded me of the girl that I used to be four years ago. In my heady days of living in my early twenties, thoroughly immersing myself and my energy into feeling the tingles of life. I was at Plectix back then – I was in love with the Freedom that Youth brought. I was Bright Eyed – looking at what the world out there was to bring to me.
I still am that – Bright Eyed. My expression, though wrinkled, still mirrors what it did back then. Perhaps, yes, wearied. Slightly Tired. But still Hopeful, still Expectant.
“When I was young, younger than before
I never saw the truth hanging from the door
And now I’m older see it face to face”
(lyrics – Nick Drake – a light fused out too soon)